By
Celia Yeary
Stop
and think—do you sabotage your own success? This can happen on many levels,
most of them subconscious, but all are self-destructive. How do I know this? I’ve
done so many things to make myself fail or at least feel like a failure, I
can’t even count them. We can’t address all the ways we writers knock ourselves
down, but we can discuss a few. You might be able to add to this list.
Is
Your Attitude Positive or Negative? Ever hear the saying: “Can’t never could do
anything.” I do admit I often say, “Well, I just can’t do that.” Maybe the
statement is in response to rewriting a story that seriously needs an overhaul;
to a ten-day blog tour; to spice up a manuscript; to take a workshop that I
really need. Instead, be the Little Engine That Could and tell yourself, “I
think I can.” Doesn’t that sound much better than “I can’t?”
Is
Your Book The Best It Can Be? Does it have reader appeal? Pretend you’re
someone else reading your book. (I pretend I’m a lady I know who is rather hard
to please—will she like my book?) Does it have urgency, intensity, and enough
drama to capture a reader’s heart? Does your own book interest YOU? Remember
these principles, and you may just write a Best Seller.
Do
You Treat Yourself As Well As You Treat Other Writers? Now, this is simple. If
you have a writer friend who is faltering, what do you do? Don’t you try to
bolster her confidence, telling her that she is competent, that she is as good
a writer as anyone else, and that you have Confidence in her? Then, why not
tell yourself these things? Then act that way.
Do
You Play At Writing Instead Of Taking It Seriously? By serious, I don’t mean
act that way. The one thing you DON’T want to do is lose the joy of writing.
Why write if it makes you miserable? Remember how excited you were when you
first realized you were a storyteller, and you wanted more than anything to
succeed? We need some level of obsession to take ourselves seriously and make
others believe it, too. If writing is your dream, then make it happen. Write!
Hi Celia,
ReplyDeleteYour blog couldn't have come at a better time for me. I've been struggling with a WIP for some time now and am finding myself doing anything but writing. Thanks for reminding me that sometimes the most difficult things to do can be the most rewarding.
Hi Celia,
ReplyDeleteMost writers, I think, tend to beat up on themselves. We're full of self-doubt, searching for approval and praise for the things we've created. Often we misread the silence as disapproval. But the reality is the average man and woman on the street are busy, and preoccupied, with their own priorities. In the long run, it's up to us - as individuals - to heap a helping of praise and approval on ourselves. Before expecting anyone else to like what we produce, we have to like it ourselves, and consider it the best we can present. Your idea of pretending "you're someone else reading your book" to determine its appeal is an excellent first step toward testing your story's appeal and value. And, every now and then, we ought to take a look in the mirror, and say, "Be nice to yourself."
Katherine--I'm so pleased you got a little something from this post. Bless our hearts..we do find ways to sabotage ourselves. But knowing in our hearts what we like and if it's good, then we should gain some measure of satisfaction for ourselves. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteTom--Self-doubt is the name of the game, for certain. I see...silence is not always a sign of disapproval, is it. In real life, I thrive on one little word or sentence from someone I know to keep me thinking I am a good writer.
ReplyDeleteIn church Sunday, I sat waiting for the service to begin, and a lady laid her hand on my shoulder--it was one of my older lady friends from the congregation. She leaned over and said, "Celia, I stayed up until 2 am trying to finish your new book, but I could not stay awake. I finished it this morning before church.It's so wonderful!"
See? That's what I wait for--I can't say "live for," because I live for my family...but, oh, yes, it's very nice.
And then I can go home and be nice to myself.
Thanks, Tom
Celia, this is one of your best blogs ever...maybe because it fits. I seem to make a hobby of putting myself down--perhaps a defensive action so no one else can do it first? And yes, I know about those little words of praise that we write for. That is what keeps us going against all odds. We authors have such fragile egos and it takes so little to deflate us. But by the same token, so little to inflate us again.
ReplyDeleteI am delighted with this post and agree with every word. Thanks, Celia, for keeping us going when we're flagging.
ReplyDeletexxxx
You're spot on as usual, Celia. There are those times when it's an 'I want to be a more consistent writer' that's ruling the roost and not me just getting on with it without flagging myself for being so distracted by life's challenges.
ReplyDeleteGreat advice. I struggle with self-sabotage and found your words very helpful.
ReplyDeleteGood advice, Celia. We all stumble and need that reassurance of the reason why we want to achieve our goals. It's so important to be nice to ourselves and have a positive attitude. It shows in everything we do.
ReplyDeleteLinda--maybe I wrote it for you! I think we both do that quite often, and all it does is drag us down. But sometimes, it's okay to wallow in misery for a short while...then think how much better you'll better later.
ReplyDeleteWe do have fragile egos, and the worst is when I began comparing myself to someone else--"if she can do it...why can't I?" You know that drill. Keep your chin up!
Jenny--thanks--I do it for myself as much as anyone. Pep talk myself....Keep writing.
ReplyDeleteNancy--if we don't meet our goals--or expectations, I think we immediately feel like we've failed. But it's still there, waiting for you when you have time--which is not always our own.
ReplyDeleteSarah--self-sabotage--yep, that's what we do. We might as well roll a big boulder in our own path so we can't get around. Why on earth do we do it?
ReplyDeleteMaggie--It's not easy, is it, to always have a postive attitude. Sometimes I just want to go to bed and cover my head up....shut out all the frustrations.
ReplyDeleteBut...would we want to do anythiing else in place of writing? Nope.
Celia-- any bad review throws me into a self-doubt.Every good review helps me believe in myself and keep writing.
ReplyDeleteMona--any negative word makes me doubt myself. It's easy for me to tell others to brush it off, but I dread words of criticism. I don't hear many negative comments, though, because people are generally positive and helpful. It's the occassional busybody who can spoil my day if I allow it. I do take it personally.
ReplyDeleteHi Celia,
ReplyDeleteAbout 5 Things:
I agree about the newspaper. I like to read the paper while eating breakfast. Even though I have a Nook, There's nothing like holding a real book in your hands. Apostophes gave me fits when in school these many years ago. Still do. About dialogue. What irks me is when two people are speaking and it has been established who the first speaker is, the author then goes on with the needless over use of he said, she said. As far as rude drivers, I've seen the driver you describe way to many times. I'll add my pet peeve is drivers who fail to or do not know how to use turn signals. Really people. It's not that hard to do nor doe it take so long to use your turn signal.